Saturday, March 24, 2012
Women And Friendships!
All friendships start with various possibilities. Maybe this will be a "new" life-long friend, maybe this will be like a "pretend" sister, maybe we have so many similarities we just can't believe it or maybe this friendship won't go anywhere. I am painfully reminded of one day in March, 13 years ago that my best friend ended our friendship. We met in the 7th grade when we entered the same Junior High School. She was looking for a best friend and so was I. We did everything together - we went through the awkward stage at the same time with braces, we both had crushes on boys that didn't know we were alive. We started to blossom at the same time, which of course made the boys start to notice. We became as we used to say, "beautiful swans"...lol. We had the same difficulties with our Moms, which looking back (and having raised teenage girls) were so minor. We went to different colleges, but our bond was still strong. She met her husband and not long after, I met my husband. I started a family, she had difficulty conceiving. Still we stayed strong and supported one another. Both of our families were transferred to the same southern city. We loved it, we explored our new city together. I had another baby and shortly after she had her first. Eventually we both ended up with two girls. It was magical just like we planned it. My husband and I were transferred to another state, some 14 hours away. Visits were few, but phone calls were constant. We were both stay at home moms with traveling husbands. My husbands career went further, faster than her husband. We just didn't talk about it, our friendship meant so much more than that. Our phone calls consisted of laughing, sharing secrets, decorating ideas, fears and honestly, complaining about our husbands. We would use retail therapy to feel better. Years passed and retail therapy didn't work anymore. My marriage was falling apart. Finally, it came to the point that I needed to "call it". From a place of strength and much soul searching , prayer, counseling and just good old "wringing my hands" - I decided it was time to end my marriage. My husband was thrilled - he moved out of our dream home as quickly as he could. I was strong, I had to be. I had two little girls depending on me. I felt as though I had gone from co-captain to captain of the ship and I had to make this work. I wasn't a crying, whining, "oh poor me" separated woman. I remember her call that morning - her "Hello" was even awkward. She said we needed to talk, (never a good start). She proceeded to tell me that "the divorce" made her uncomfortable and she felt it was best if we didn't talk anymore. I couldn't believe my ears - after all the times I had been there for her, when my "going got tough" she said "good-bye". I was 37 at the time, which means she sent 25 years of friendship down the tube. Incredible - even to this day I am amazed. In the 13 years since that call, I have never heard from her - not once. Sometimes I wonder what I would say if she did call. Today, I would say, thank you for calling, but in the last 13 years I have come to a place where I don't really have a place for you. Or maybe we would laugh and talk like we never missed a beat. I doubt it. Honestly, I have been fortunate to meet wonderful friends in the last 13 years. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So maybe that is the reason, perhaps I wouldn't have been open to so many new friendships if I still had her friendship. One friend suggested that maybe she felt threatened because I was going to be single. Ha - 13 years later and remarried for 7 of those years ...I doubt it. In the end she did us both a favor, apparently she wasn't the kind of friend I believed her to be. If you have a good friend - call them today, just to say, "hello". Enjoy your Saturday and your friends!
Posted by Lilly Forever! at 10:26 AM